Decision Making: Manipulation or Management?

For a long time, I've heard from my friends and observed in my professional life phrases like "Muhittin is very manipulative" and "I later found out that it was his intention all along to manipulate me in this direction." When I heard this, instead of calling it manipulation, I would say, "You've been played." In the 10th year of my career, I realized that I hadn't deeply thought about the difference between management and manipulation, and I wanted to share my observations and knowledge.

Muhittin makes a decision about a Y feature in an X application and wants to develop it using method A. Manipulator, aims to undermine the decision and have it developed using their preferred method B. The primary characteristic of manipulative behavior is to weaken your decision-making ability. As a result, the person will feel worthless and emotionally exhausted. Looking at the bigger picture, even if you haven't experienced these behaviors, you can observe signals like controlling, gaslighting, and making you feel guilty within the organization.

Muhittin makes a decision about a Y feature in an X application and wants to develop it using method A. A true manager is supportive and asks for some metrics related to how the decision was made (like time to market, using a ready-made SDK) and communicates clearly and openly. They provide a feedback-based working environment, regardless of whether the feedback is positive or negative. People who support your development act as guides and create a sense of collaboration. Again, looking at the bigger picture, you can observe signals like feeling a sense of collaboration and the presence of guiding individuals within the organization.

I didn't expect to think this deeply and end up with such a short blog post :). As a result, I thought it would be beneficial to ask this question at the end of any decision-making, weekly update or planning meetings: "Was I managed or manipulated?" To answer this question, it is important to follow clues like value, respect, and feeling good, along with signs of control and exploitation. The proper progress of this professional relationship is crucial both psychologically and for our productive work. It is also important to remember that these results are the products of conscious decisions.